Velvet worms! Yes, velvet worms, everybody’s favorite little mucus-spraying monsters.
These guys are segmented, but they have soft teguments, so it can be a little hard to tell that just by looking at them. Their stumpy little legs are adorably known as both lobopods and stub feet because they lack the complicated mechanisms and distinct anatomy that tend to make bug legs legs. They’re just sort of little conveniently-shaped blobs that are almost but not quite tube feet. They don’t have any sort of rigid exoskeleton either, so they’re stuck moving around by means of bracing their little muscles against a little tube of incompressible fluid (sort of like how your brakes work) in their tiny little bodies.
That mucus they spit comes from huge glands that can comprise almost ten percent of the worm’s weight. They’re not above aiming for the face on dangerous prey, and they’ll eat it along with their prey to resorb the nutrients and chemicals they spent making it. (Spiders do something similar with silk.)
They’ve got little sensory organs all over their little bodies, and tiny little claws on their tiny little lobopods. They also bear live young, either through true vivipary in some species or through internally-retained eggs in most species. Did I mention these little pricks always look super-excited about stuff? Always.
I think it’s because it you look at its mouth, its oral papillae (mucus-sprayers) kind of look like huge eyes.
If you look at its eyes (simple, usually located above the antennae), its antennae make it look like a muppet.
Then they get the sprayers going, and just *bam* primordial monster.
If you think there’s such a thing as “too much velvet worms” then you really need to rethink your life. Or maybe I do, but if my options are change my mind on that or be wrong forever then I’m boarding the 9:52 Wrong Train to Factually-Incorrectville and never coming back.